That is how i looked the time I was when I was in target with my mom and i was only a little lad. And I got lost during that small amount of time I was there. An employee came along and asked me if I was lost and i said yes. So i went to there office and he asked me what my name was. I answered BooBoo. BooBoo was my nickname when I was younger and my siblings still came me boo right now. I was very confused on this day because I was lost, I had no idea who anyone was, and I was just plain, old confused where i was. Eventually my mom picked me up a week later... Just kidding, she realized I was gone and heard the announcement and we were reunited. Although I cannot recall what employee helped me out, or what part of the store i was in but i do know that I was very confused. My mom obviously told me to never do that again and that she was so scared, what every mother would say to there child in this situation.
Another moment I was confused is when my family went to French park. We were all having fun on the ropes and enjoying our game of tag, when all the sudden my mom came to me and asked where Zachary, my little brother, was. I replied with a no. My mom said OK and walked away. I was very confused were my little brother was. Being as young as i was I forgot about it and went back to playing on the ropes. 15 minutes after that my mom came over again telling me that my little brother was lost. I simply replied OK, and went back to playing. Only then did i realize, what if he was captured by aliens? What if the boogeymonster ate him? What if evil leprechaun ninjas came and kidnapped him? I immediately began searching for my comrade, I ran through the rope park searching for Zach. I also saw my 5 siblings running around looking for him too. It had been over 10 minutes, if this wasn't my brother I would have given into defeat. But, it was my brother so i kept looking. I finally saw my mom seating there with my little brother and an park employee, except Zach had ice cream! What is this? He goes and gets lost, and then he ice cream? How disappointing, I was so confused at that moment. After my confusion started to die down I came up with my own little plan of getting lost and getting ice cream. So I started my plan, but in the distance I heard my parents yell its time to go home. Scared I would get left behind and die of starvation or worse evil leprechaun ninjas I sprinted to the car, and went home. Gosh, I was very confused at the end of the day.
everybody gets confused at that age. got oonfused when you jump from being in target to the french park. have one theme and let your edviences suport it. . it makes your writing easyer and can be understood. the word confused could have bee avoided , but you used it alot. build up on vocab that will help you not to repeat words. enjoyed reader about you getting confused in different setting. just work on having one main topic.
ReplyDeleteYour form you had in your writing was fairly decent. There was a good use of white space and a handful writing. You also had a good arrangement with your paragraphs in making the story.
ReplyDeleteYour diction was also very well used. You applied very creative words such as comrade (love that one). You may types of diction that ranged from being honorific to cacophonous.
Your Syntax was also very well used. You had very good sentence lengths that fit into the middle range. However some could have been shorten to get you point across better. I also noticed sentence patterns change from being calm and cool to scared and worried about your bothers being lost.
Tone in this story you wrote was also very good you had very good sarcasm and irony but were able to keeping it serious.
Overall your story was great and I did notice a great improvement from the last one you have made.